He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
