Just cropdusted the office
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
