please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
