The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
