I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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