Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
