you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.