I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents