He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.