the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday