Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
