We won't sleep together?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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