it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize