If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
