Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
