Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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