if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
