My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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