guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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