My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
