i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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