Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
