I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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