i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
