she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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