my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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