Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
