Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
