he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
