you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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