True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
did i walk over a car last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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