did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize