wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.