We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
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just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right