quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.