I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me