I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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