sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
