On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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