She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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