So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
