New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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