Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
