Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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