The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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