I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
