So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
