My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
