More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
two words...techno handjob
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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