when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
