Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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