I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
