then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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