i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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