Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
birth control should be required to get into college
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
