I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
