the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
