Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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