gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
