i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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