Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
