Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
