My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
