i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
