I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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