all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
