the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
